Shawn's Designer Doggy Digs
by Magic-Amethyst80
Summary: Hijinks ensue when Shawn decides to respond to an unwanted e-mail.


Shawn sat at his computer reading the inbox for his old AOL e-mail account in desperate hope that someone was looking for a Psychic detective. He needed extra cash since he was now living in San Francisco where finding work was extremely difficult. It was hard to believe that a city full of new agers folks wouldn't immediately love a new Psychic in town. It didn't help matters that there was all sorts of competition from folks like Adrian Monk. For the past few months most of his days were spent taking care of Picard, the lovely red Dog De Borodeux that he and Jules decided to adopt. One e-mail caught his mind,

"To: Elemental1993  
SUBJECT: "LOUIS VUITTON UGG BOOTS RAY BAN GLASSES DIRECT TO SAN FRANCISCO"

UGG BOOTS, LOUIS VUITTON, RAY BANS, LOW PRICE! UGG LINED LUIS VUITTON BAGS! UGG LINED LOOEY VUITTON BOOTS! LOUIS VOOTON DOGGIE BAG WITH RAY BAND FRONT LOUIS VUITTON DOG CARRIER 40 WITH UGG INTERIOR, LUIS VUITTON DOG CARRIER 50 WITH UGG Inteior!"

The slobber monster liked his fingers as he thought about how they didn't make designer carriers for his large dog. Why did people with tiny little yippy dogs get all the fun? Didn't their dog deserve fashionable carrier for Jules to take places just as much as a Yorkie, or Maltese did? Didn't Picard deserve designer digs?

The timing of the e-mail could not have been any more perfect. For the past week Jules and Chief Vick had working in conjunction with US Customs investigating a counterfeiting ring, which was importing loads of fake designer goods, along with heroine and cocaine.

He responded to the e-mail:

"From: Elemental1993  
TO: UGGVUITTONRAYBAH

Kind sir, I am Francois, the manservant to the his Royal Highness Mufasa, The Crown Prince of Nigeria. We are in need of a carrier fit for his Royal Pooch, Captain Jean Luc Picard. The Prince demands that the carrier for his dog will be made of the best of the best. It will just like the 50 inch model on on the website but with a few modifications.

-Instead of 50 Inches, it will be 5 Feet.

-Same zip up top, and cage exterior.

-Instead of the traditional bottom, the bottom needs the wheels off your company's Eole line of travel products.

-A long front for the carrier to be dragged instead of carried.

-100% UGG Lamb's Wool lining.  
-Beyond the mesh on the window, should be a Ray Ban screen, the dog is sensitive to sunlight. He might be a vampire dog!

FYI:  
Did you know that his Royal Highness Mr. Vuitton, Mr. Ban, and Lord Ugg have know each other for years? They are on a first name basis!"

He clicked send on the e-mail, and anxiously awaited a response. Picard deserved the best of the best, he said as he pet the slobber monster on the head, then grabbed a leash for a walk outside.

_

Gus, Shawn, and Picard sat in the cafe by the San Francisco port, as Shawn saw the counterfeiter slowly driving by in an old Dodge Caravan.

"Remember Gus, you are the Crown Prince of Nigeria," said Shawn.

"Shawn I'm not Nigerian," quipped Gus as he took out his iPhone which was broadcasting things to Juliet who was behind the property watching what was going in.

"For today you are," said Shawn as he made his way towards the parking lot where the suspect was parking his car Shawn and Gus approached him.

"I have your goods," said the male suspect as he stepped out of his car to open the back of the van.

"Very well," Shawn answered in his best fake French accent. "I will be inspecting the carrier to see if it is fit for his Royal Highness, both for his pooch, and for his nights when he identifies not as a man but as a canine."

Shawn inspected the monstrous contraption, and turned towards Gus. "Your highness, is this sufficient to your needs?"

"It should suffice, Louis, Ray, and Ugg have such fine work, We thank them with all our heart." Gus answered giving Shawn further time to inspect the goods.

"Wait," Shawn yelled, "I don't think this is a genuine Ugg lining, nor is the outside Ray Ban," Shawn said as he looked the suspect in the eye.

"The interior is 100% genuine Ugg lamb's fleece, and the exterior is Louis Vuitton, it even has a tag on it," the man pointed to the center of the five foot tall dog carrier. Shawn pointed to the Ugg label,

"The stitching is glued on, and inconsistent, which means it is fake."

"No, this is real Ugg," said the suspect, whose tone was getting huffy.

Shawn quieted down as he noticed that the Louis Vuitton label on the top of the bag could have passed for genuine, to the eyes of the average person but the pattern of the Ls and the Vs was off. Even worse though was the rest of the bag which was made of material with gold and brown stars and circles, the characteristic color of a Louis Vuitton bag, but not the real deal. The back it was the panel was the worst, instead of Louis Vuitton, it had a gold Hello Kitty.

Shawn looked at the salesman, "How dare you insult his royal highness, this is fake, Hello Kitty on anything which is supposed to be Louis Vuitton!"

The salesman yanked out a knife, and put it to Gus's neck, as Gus began to cower.

"Attack, attack," pleaded Shawn as he looked at Instead Picard simply glanced him, and continued to sit and chew the strap of his nice comfy new carrier. The Ugg interior liner was already soaked from slobber and falling apart.

"SFPD freeze," he heard Juliet shouting out from behind,as she came by with her gun out, "you are under arrest for counterfeiting." she said as she placed handcuffs on his, while a swat team of other officers descended.

_

Two days later, Shawn, Juliet,walked down Market Street dragging Picard in his new dog tote. The sting operation and had helped to apprehend a whole ring of counterfeiters, and they were spending an afternoon out in celebration.

"I want to put this picture up on You Tube so bad." said Shawn as Juliet dragged Picard through the fashionable stores in the giant dog tote.

"I don't need anything from any of these places anyways. It's all overpriced, and I have better things to spend it on," she said as she cuddled up next to Shawn.


End file.
